“There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind.” So says Mr. Rogers. Being kind costs you nothing. Just a gentle tone and gentle words. And it pays off in large dividends. People smile and want to be with you. Using kind words and a gentle tone does not mean that you cannot get what you want and need but rather that you can get what you want and need without hurting anyone else.
Just to be clear, you can set boundaries nicely. You can stick to your boundaries without attacking. You can take care of yourself without steamrolling anyone else in the process. Getting needs met is not an either/or proposition. You and the person that you are negotiating with can both be happy.
Some people seem to be confused by this and think that everything is a battle. It is not. Attacking can get you what you want, but it also leaves hurt feelings and anger in its wake. Therefore the next time that you want to get something, you will be met with major resistance.
Being mean makes things harder. Being kind makes things easier. Be kind.