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Michelle Gottlieb Psy.D., MFT, LPCC
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Be Real in Your Relationship

May 2012

Women often fall in love with who are partners could become instead of who our partners are. After a while, when our partners insist on staying themselves, we get frustrated and angry and want to break up. And you wonder why men have a difficult time understanding us.

We are a very hopeful sex. We see good things for people and want to help them to succeed. Unfortunately, we do not always check in with those people to see if they actually want our help. It doesn’t matter how good your ideas are. It doesn’t matter how well-meaning you are. You cannot force people to change; especially if you have never discussed any of your ideas with them!

When we start dating, it is very important that we look at the guy that we are dating and honestly assess him. Who he is today. Not who he may be in 5 years. Look at him. Do you like this guy? The one that is actually in front of you. Not who he will be after you finish “improving” him. If you do not like him, please do not continue to date him. It is not fair to him and, frankly, it is not fair to you.

When we are picking our partner, we need to pick someone who presently has what we are looking for; people are who they are. They often do not want to change. If you make plans for who your partner should become, you are setting your relationship up for some serious issues.

So, enjoy getting to know people, enjoy exploring different people. But when you start getting serious with someone, get serious with the person you actually see, not the possibilities. You may be much more successful!

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