March 2002

I often have women ask me if they should stay with their current loving, steady, calm boyfriend (read: broccoli) or go back to their exciting, unreliable, fun but crazy- making boyfriend (read: chocolate ice cream). There is something about women that although we say we want the steady guy, we are really attracted to the crazy guys. And those same men come into my office and say “But I am everything they say that they want and they dumped me for the lunatic?!”

Women often feel that they want to rescue their partner. Broccolis do not need to be rescued. We may not know what to do with these steady gentlemen. We know how to play out the craziness, but calm is sort of strange. Especially if the woman has come from a dysfunctional family, then the craziness is even more normal.

But I want to caution these women: chocolate ice cream is a great snack, but if you eat it constantly, you get sick. Broccoli may not be exciting, but it keeps you healthy and strong. Honestly ask yourself, what is it that you are looking for in a long-term partner? What are you looking for as the father of your children? What makes a good husband?

If all you are looking for is a fling, enjoy the craziness and unpredictability. But if you are looking for a mate, slow down and take another look at the broccoli!