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Michelle Gottlieb Psy.D., MFT, LPCC
Individual, Couple and Family Therapy
Resolving issues from your past that block your future

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Clear Communication

September 2003

 

Lately I have had several people ask me how to tell if the person that they are dating likes them. I have also been asked how to work it to get them interested. Now, the first question sounds like mind-reading, which I have never figured out how to do. The second sounds like manipulation, which I am very much opposed to.

 

If you have a question for the person that you are dating, ask them. Straight out. Okay, be tactful and do not ask the same question over and over again. If you want to know where the relationship is going, say, “I am not asking for a marriage proposal right now, but I am just wondering where you think this relationship is going?” No ulterior motive and nothing unstated. Just be clear and direct. You will probably get a response that you can trust is real rather than one that you need to decode to figure out what it means. Not to mention that you will probably be wrong with your decoding!

 

A person will like you if they like you. You cannot make anyone fall in love with you. It doesn’t work that way. You are not powerful enough to manipulate anyone else’s emotions. Why people fall in love with one person and not another is a great mystery that poets and scientist have been working on for centuries. It just is. It doesn’t mean that you are deficit if the person that you want to fall in love with you, doesn’t. It also doesn’t mean that you’re the best thing since sliced bread if that person does fall in love. It just is.

 

So sit back and enjoy the ride. Sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad. Enjoy the good and cope with the bad. And remember to take care of yourself throughout!

 

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