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Michelle Gottlieb Psy.D., MFT, LPCC
Individual, Couple and Family Therapy
Resolving issues from your past that block your future

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April 2012

Hollywood has made us believe that once we fall in love, we will live happily ever after. Here is a surprise: Hollywood is wrong. Maintaining a long term relationship means that you do not always like your partner. That can be a shocking statement for many people. The thought is that if I do not like my partner, then I will always feel that way and, therefore, we need to get a divorce.

So, here is a thought: maybe, just maybe, I do not like my partner now, but in a little while, I will like him again! Shocking, isn’t it? But that is real life. My husband and I committed to each other over twenty years ago. We promised to always love each other. We never promised to always like each other. We know that there come times that we are not each other’s favorite person. We breathe, take a little space, work out what the issues are, and, amazingly, we start to like each other again. However, we never stop believing in our love for each other.

That is the trick. Believe in the love that you have for your partner, even if you cannot feel it right now. Just believe in it. It will resurface if you nurture it and believe in the partnership. Remember the reasons that you chose your partner, even if you can’t feel them right now. Those reasons still exist. Do not rush to end the relationship. Do not feel that if you are not deliriously happy every time you see your partner that you should call the lawyer.

A long term relationship means that sometimes you are happy, sometimes you are not. But that you made a long term commitment. That commitment means that you will try to work through those times when you do not like your partner.

Yes, enjoy this journey, too!

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