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Michelle Gottlieb Psy.D., MFT, LPCC
Individual, Couple and Family Therapy
Resolving issues from your past that block your future

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Confrontations

If you make a mistake, own up to it. Do not get defensive. Do not blame others. Simply say, “You are right. I am sorry. This is what I will do differently next time.” On the flip side, if you feel that someone has made a mistake, please confront them gently. Do not put them down, do not call names. But honestly state what you need.

Sounds simple to do, right? And yet, it seems to hardly ever happen that way. When we get confronted with an error, we often feel that we are under attack. If that is your reaction, stop for a minute. How did the person approach you? Was it an attack? Or not? If not, what is your issue that is bubbling to the surface? Are you afraid that the person will abandon you? That he or she will no longer love you? Are you fearful that you will not be offered a second chance? Ask your confronter if that is true? Have a dialogue. Understand what is triggering you and work on healing that wound.

If you are confronting someone, challenge yourself on how you are doing it. Are you coming from a place of caring or are you going in with your fists flailing? Do you know how to calmly and tactfully ask for what you want or need? If not, look inside yourself to see what your wound is.

Often, we go on attack even when there is no real need to because when we were children we were taught that the world is not a safe place, people are not safe. We were hurt. Challenge yourself to honestly look around and see what is really happening NOW. Are you under attack? Or is someone actually trying to make a connection? Try reaching out with warmth and tact. Who knows? Perhaps a real change may happen!

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