September 2010

Have you ever thought about what magical talent or tool that you would want? Do you want a magic wand? The ability to fly? I know what many parents have wished for: a crystal ball! I cannot tell you the number of parents that have struggled over a decision about their children, hoping that they are making the best choice. If only we could see what future each choice will bring, which is the best choice for our child.

As parents, we want only the best for our children, but we are never sure that we are doing is the best. We really won’t know until our babies are adults and we see how they turned out. So what do we do in the mean time? The first thing that I would suggest is to really see our children for who they are, not who we want them to be, not what we would want in that situation. But who they are. What do they want? What do they like? This is a lot more difficult than it sounds.  We want our children to be a certain way. We may want our children to take a path that we didn’t take. We may see our partner or parent in our child. Stop. See your child and only him or her. Take a step back and ask your child questions and truly listen to the answers. You may be surprised to see that very unique person standing in front of you.

Ask other people who have experienced your child or the decision that you are facing their ideas. You may get some interesting points of view that may give you ideas that you haven’t even thought of. If it is an academic question, be sure to ask your child’s teacher, a very valuable resource. If it is a medical question, ask your pediatrician. Reach out to your resources.

Once you have made your decision and your child is walking down that path, you may found out that you made a mistake. A not unusual situation for a parent to be in. Do not panic! Simply help your child to reverse direction and change the path. There are very few paths that are irreversible.

Most of all be gentle with yourself. Parenting is an extremely difficult job, perhaps the most difficult. You will make mistakes. But learn from those. And always, always, give your children lots of love!