May 2002

Dear Michelle,

I have a real problem with anger. I can’t just talk calmly. I yell and scream. At work, in the car, at my boyfriend. This is causing real problems in my life. Do you have any suggestions for things that will help?

Angry Woman

Dear Angry Woman,

Yes, there are a variety of techniques that can help you deal with your anger. But first, I want to congratulate you for seeing that you have a problem and doing something about it. Remember how you were told to count to ten when you were angry so that you don’t say something that you would regret? Well, it works. The idea is to take a minute so that you calm down. While you are counting to ten, take long, slow deep breaths. That will also help you get centered and more relaxed.

We often give our children time outs when they start to act up. It is okay, and often necessary, for us to take time outs as well. If you feel yourself starting to lose control, stop and walk out of the room. Give yourself to time to calm down. Think about why you were angry. What were the issues that you really wanted to resolve? When you are ready, go back and discuss those issues. If you start to get angry again, take another time out. It is good idea to discuss this technique in advance so that the people you are dealing with know what is going on!

But the most important thing I want to say is that perhaps it is time to find out why you are angry in the first place? Perhaps you need to do some soul-searching to close in on the roots of your anger. Then do what is necessary to heal that wound.

Good luck with your journey,

Michelle