June 2007

Hi Dr. Michelle,

I need your help. Here is my history. I am married. I have two kids under the age of 10. I am in love with a guy who has been engaged for about 8 months and has a pre-teen son. When I met this guy, he was not engaged yet. I asked him about getting married because I told him that I was in love with him. He first told me to give him some time, than he said his family doesn’t accept me because I am a married woman and I have 2 kids. He cannot marry me. I told him if you want to marry me, I would get a divorce because I do not love my husband. It was an arranged marriage. He now says that he doesn’t want to marry me. He is saying that he loves his fiancé who lives in another country. Can you please help me? I am getting sick. I do not know what to do. The only thing I know is that I cannot live without him.

Desperate

Dear Desperate,

The first thing that I want to say is that, yes, you can live without him. It may hurt, but you can get through this. You need to because you have two young children depending on you. The second thing that I want to tell you is that you do need to get over him. You are married and he has told you that he is unavailable. If you are unhappy in your marriage, you need to either work on that first or get a divorce before you begin another relationship. It is not fair to your husband, your children, the person you entering into a relationship with or yourself to do it any other way. Any relationship that you begin prior to ending your marriage will begin with so much hurt and shame that it would be difficult for it to ever thrive.

So, my suggestion is to focus on yourself and your children. See if your marriage can be salvaged. Create some happiness for yourself and not look for someone else to make you happy.

Dr. Michelle