January 2004

Divorce is difficult, especially if you are not the one requesting the divorce. After working so hard to create a life-partnership, it can be devastating to see it torn apart. But as adults, we do have some control over our lives and how we will deal with these issues. The ones who suffer the most in a divorce are the children

Children take divorce very personally. They often feel that they are responsible for the situation. It is vital that both parents continue to remind the children that the adults are responsible for this situation and not the children.

It is even more important that the kids not be drawn into the middle of the divorce. They did not cause this. It is not their responsibility to carry messages or to spy on one parent for the other. It puts the children in an untenable position. Children love their parents, both of them. Trying to pit your children against your former partner will damage your child much worse than it would ever harm your former spouse.

This is also why it is important to not talk badly about the other parent to the children. The children are made up of both parents. If you are putting down the other parent, you are, in essence, putting down your child, too.

If you need to divorce, please do so as graciously as possible. It impacts your children more than you think!