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Michelle Gottlieb Psy.D., MFT, LPCC
Individual, Couple and Family Therapy
Resolving issues from your past that block your future

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Happy Valentine’s?

February 2010

Happy Valentine’s Day! Valentine’s day has always struck me as an odd day. If you are not involved with someone, you need to hurry up and find someone so that you are not alone that day. If you are with someone, you must show your undying love by sending cards and chocolate. All because society says so. What is so special about February 14th? Who decreed that this is THE day for proclaiming love?

If you are in a relationship where you are only shown love once a year, you have bigger issues than a box of chocolate can fix. Unfortunately, that is what happens. We somehow think that if we have an absolutely incredible, romantic Valentine’s, then our relationship is in a fantastic state. Conversely, if our Valentine’s is a dud, then we should leave our partner. But what if your partner is a truly good person, but not romantic? Your partner is solid, trustworthy, supportive, everything you could ask, but doesn’t get romance? Do you really want to leave? What if you are with someone who is wonderful at the big displays but you cannot count on them to be there when there is a problem? Please do not judge your relationship by one day, no matter how romantic, or not, that day is.

So, let’s move on to the single person rushing around to find someone so that they will not be alone on Valentine’s Day. That puts way too much pressure on you. When we are pressured, we tend to not make good decisions. Therefore, the person you will end up with may not be a good match for you. Choose your partner carefully based on if he or she is a good fit, not on the date.

The bottom line is to not judge your relationship on one day, but on the whole year. Be loving to your partner every day. Be loving to yourself as well.

Enjoy the journey.

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