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Michelle Gottlieb Psy.D., MFT, LPCC
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Happy Valentines!

February 2005


It is Valentine’s Day. The day that we show the person that we love how much we love them. But that is the problem. No, not that we need to do that on the other 364 days of the year as well. Of course, we do. But rather how we show someone that we love them.


Now, typically the way that we show love is the way we want to receive love. So, if candy and flowers represent love to you, that is what you do. And, perhaps, to your partner, love means making sure the car had a tune up and is safe to drive. So, this is what happens, the partner that wants flowers gets a safe car and the partner that wants safety gets candy and flowers. And everyone is disappointed.


How do we resolve this issue? The best way is to ask your partner what makes him or her feel loved. No, not romantic, but effective. You cannot read their mind, nor can they read yours, so you might as well communicate. Ask your partner to make up a list of 5 things that make him or her feel loved and get a list from your partner as well. Then begin to act on them.


Now imagine how much better Valentine’s Day will be when the partner who wants candy gets it and the partner that wants a fixed car gets it. Now, that is romantic!


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