December 2006

Dear Dr. Michelle,

I have been with my fiance almost 3 years now; we live together. He is a wonderful man and treats me wonderfully. Problem is a few weeks ago I went to use his cell phone and discovered he had his ex-girlfriend’s cell number along with her work number stored on his phone. When I asked him about it, his reply was he hasn’t spoken to her in a long time, and that was it. He tells me he loves me all the time and I’m the only one he wants to be with. After that, a few days later I went snooping through his phone and found a text message to him from her telling him she loves him. Also his password for his screen name isn’t stored on the computer like mine is. I don’t know if maybe he’s hiding something from me or not telling me the truth. We hardly ever make love any more. I’m confused! Please do you have any advice? What should I do?

Confused in Florida

Dear Confused,

I recently heard someone say that if you go looking for trouble, you will find it. If his behavior towards you has not changed, if he is still loving towards you, you may not have a problem. Just because she sent him a text message doesn’t mean he is responding in kind. He may have many people’s phone numbers on his phone that he rarely calls. Those things may not mean anything. On the other hand, if your love life has changed, then you need to talk about why. You need to talk about what has changed, what you are satisfied with and what you are not. The mark of real intimacy is the ability to discuss difficult subjects in a loving environment. See if this is still possible for you and your fiance. If your discomfort continues, you might want to consider couples therapy.

And be sure to take care of yourself,

Dr. Michelle