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Michelle Gottlieb Psy.D., MFT, LPCC
Individual, Couple and Family Therapy
Resolving issues from your past that block your future

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Is He Real?

March 2014

How do you know if the person that you are dating is really what he or she presents himself as? I have had two situations arise with clients where they found out that the person they were involved with, in one case married, was not at all the person they thought. If that should happen the result is devastating. Your trust in all humanity can be seriously damaged. Your ability to trust yourself, can also be seriously damaged.

Often the questioning as to why someone would do this is intense. That question in some ways is unanswerable. The person who deceived you is never going to be able to answer that question in a way that will make sense to you or that you can believe. The simplest answer is that they have some significant pathology going on. Perhaps that is all that you will ever really know.

And before you beat yourself up too much on how you could have possibly missed the signs, the people who can get away with this are really, really slick. Most of us are not. Not really. We just do not expect people to lie on this level. How wonderful that we do not expect this behavior! So, the reason that you did not catch on is a statement about them, not you.

Having said that, one sign that you should be aware of is if they never introduce you to their friends, their family, their co-workers. If they keep you away from everyone else in their lives, this is not good. If you are getting serious with someone, you should be integrating into each other’s life.

Please, open yourself up to trusting the person that you are with; however, be aware of signs. And always, always enjoy the journey!

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