February 2002

I often have people come into my office asking me how to get over their boyfriend or girlfriend. This is not an easy process, especially if you did not want the relationship to end and especially if your old boyfriend or girlfriend is sending you mixed messages.

One of the first things to look at is why is it better for you to be out of the relationship. If someone has told you that they no longer want you in their life, I am sure that you can find some reasons why it is healthier for you not to be with them, too. If you cannot come up with any reasons, you might want to ask your friends and family. They usually can see things that you are not able to. Then you need to mourn the relationship. Say good-bye. This is a type of death, give yourself some time to feel the death before you move on. If your lover had died, you wouldn’t expect yourself to jump right into a new relationship. Why would you when you have had a death of a relationship?

After you have said good-bye, start to live again. Call friends, get involved in church or synagogue, join a club. All those things that you put on hold to be in this relationship are still here waiting for you to get involved.

Once you start to live, you find yourself letting go and moving on. This is good. This is healthy. Allow yourself to be healthy.