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drmichelle@michellegottlieb.com
Michelle Gottlieb Psy.D., MFT, LPCC
Individual, Couple and Family Therapy
Resolving issues from your past that block your future

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Making Connections

I often have people ask me why people don’t get close to them. My response is to have them ask themselves the questions, “What are you doing to prevent it?”

Quite often, the main block to someone getting close is within. For someone who wants to start dating, if you never go someplace to meet someone, you will never meet someone. Odds are they will not just knock on your door and ask you out. The Internet has many dating sites, but so does your house of worship. Take a class, join a club, get out and meet people. This is also true if you are not looking for relationships, but for friendships, also.

So, you are out of the house, you are meeting people, but you are still not connecting. Now what is wrong? Again, look inward. Are you emotionally available? If as anyone approaches you, you withdraw into your metaphoric shell, then you are unable to form a connection with anyone. You have to be willing to meet someone half way. Reach out, share who you are, be a little open and then see what happens.

So, you are showing up, you are sharing and you are still having problems. You may need to do some deeper work if being emotionally intimate scares you to death. It may be time to see a therapist to help you exorcise the demons that have made it so difficult to be emotionally present in a relationship.

But also remember, the people that you are trying to connect with may have demons of their own…
Don’t stop trying. You will find a connection. You just have to first connect with yourself.

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