Dear Dr. Michelle,
Ok I don’t know where to start. This is going to sound crazy! I have been married for 3 weeks!!! Just 3 weeks! He is an awesome guy, very family oriented! What I thought to be the man of my dreams! But I think we need help! How do I encourage him to stay home more without making him feel like I’m trying to control him? Yeah, he’s 25 years old, and now more than ever he thinks he has to be gone every evening somewhere doing something! I don’t like threatening him with leaving as I have in the past. I feel bad about that, but sometimes that’s the only way to get a response from him a take me seriously! He has never acted this way. Oh yeah don’t let me forget, we have a child on the way as well. Its also thrown up that the reason I get upset with him for being gone is that I’m jealous because I can’t run & tear like him, and while some of that may be true, in a sense. But I feel like I work all day, the one thing I look forward to at the end of the day is coming home to my husband. How do I go about showing him its not jealousy, it’s the fact we have no alone time, no quality time without making him feel that I’m being controlling? It’s like there just comes a time when I want to be alone with him. Whether it is to talk or whatever! His thoughts on this, he thinks I don’t trust him and that it would be different if he was running around on me, but he’s not, he’s with his friends? How do I tell him I feel like h’s running around on me with his friends! I feel alone a lot of the time! I don’t want to control him I just want to be with him! Please help and give me advice, maybe I’m confronting the situation wrong I don’t know, but whatever I’m doing isn’t working. Thanks so much!
It sounds like you two need two very important things: first, some heart to hearts about what marriage and parenthood is all about for each of you and, second, some fun! Plan some time for you to go out and do something fun. Something that you have always enjoyed doing together. Let each of you remember why you wanted to be with each other in the first place. You both get to plan some date nights.
The heart-to-heart talks need to include if he feels like he got trapped into marriage due to the baby. Even if it was his idea to get married. You may be ready to make the transition of being a wife and mom; however, he may not be with you yet. You need to find out if he wants to do the work to be a father and husband. An outside resource may be helpful for you to work through all of these issues, especially before the baby is born. You might to find a trusted friend, minister/rabbi or a therapist that can work with you both. You can usually find low cost therapy through your local United Way.