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Michelle Gottlieb Psy.D., MFT, LPCC
Individual, Couple and Family Therapy
Resolving issues from your past that block your future

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Ouch! He Doesn’t Like Me!

September 2009

A very common dilemma that many people face is that we want people to like us. We may even do things that we disagree with, just to be sure that people like us. We talk about this happening with children, but, unfortunately, this is usually something that we do not grow out of.

Why is it so important that people like us? Well, it feels good! It does not feel good when people do not like us. While there are some people that do seem to thrive on getting people all agitated at them, Simon Cowell comes to mind; most of us are uncomfortable with this. If we have low self-esteem, than we need people to like us because we do not like ourselves enough.

If we are someone who is a people-person, we excel when people like us. We orient on people and get energized by them. If we are not getting the warm fuzzies from people, we tend to lose energy.

But, what if someone does not like us? I am not talking about someone that we have a close relationship with, but someone more distant. If you find yourself twisting into a pretzel to try and get someone to like you, stop. Ask yourself how important is this person to you. Does this person have any power over you? Is this a person that you work with or see often? Is this person someone that you need to do something for you? If this person is not significant to you, then ask yourself why are you wasting energy on him or her? This person does not need to like you and you, also, need to like them! Practice letting go of needing someone to like you with this person. Then notice how your life does not change when this person does not like you. And you can focus on much more important things in your life!

Enjoy the journey!

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