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Michelle Gottlieb Psy.D., MFT, LPCC
Individual, Couple and Family Therapy
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Sexual Incompatibility

February 2007

Dear Dr. Michelle,

My wife of 10 years and myself have two young children. Our family life togetherĀ is great. My wife is a great mother and I feel very happy about my fatherhood and love my children and my wife. But, there is one problem which puts a damper on our happy life. We have no connection sexually anymore. It has not always been like this. Before the kids we were very active and compatible. We both work outside the home and have a nanny who takes the kids to school and back and plays with them while we are gone. We also have a maid that keeps great care of our home. So, its not that my wife is overly tired from chores around the house. I still desire her. I feel I need that part of our lives back but she says she doesn’t mind leaving it behind. What can I do?

Almost Perfect Marriage

Dear Almost Perfect,

This actually is a not uncommon problem for many couples. It is important to find a healthy sexual compatibility with your partner. Ask your wife is she is willing to work on this issue. If she is not, then the issues may be even greater. In that situation, I would definitely recommend marital therapy.

There are many things that can change our level of desire for sex. Stress, health issues, lack of sleep and relationship issues all have a major impact on our sex lives. One of the first things I would suggest is that your wife gets a complete physical to rule out any physical cause for her decreased libido. After that, the two of you need to sit and look, honestly about your lives. Where is the stress? How is it impacting both of you? Is she getting enough of sleep? And, most importantly, how does she see your relationship? She may not see your marriage as almost perfect. Problems in a couple’s sex life may be indicative of deeper problems in the relationship. Again, if the two of you cannot discuss this situation, you may want to explore seeing a therapist.

If both parties want to work on this, it can be resolved and your marriage may get even closer to being perfect!

Dr. Michelle

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