May 2012

In this season of graduations, it is a time for parents to let go a bit more. Every time our babies progress through another stage of their lives, they need us less, or at least differently. This can be a very difficult time for parents.

Our goal as parents is to help our babies grow in to happy, competent adults. If we have done this relationship properly, our children leave us. Which can be very frustrating, because here we have helped create these really amazing people, who are going away. This can be very difficult.

I was working with a woman the other day who never allowed her adult children to become independent. In their forties, they were still coming to her to solve their problems. She was getting tired. It has become very difficult for her.

So, the challenge for parents is to separate from our children and allow them to become adults. We need to let go and step back. We need to not solve their problems, but simply be their support. We need to be their cheerleaders, not their solution.

Part of what enables us to let go is to have lives of our own. If the only thing that we are, are parents, then we will struggle much more with this. Start now. Create a life that is about you as an individual, that is about you as a couple. Develop hobbies and friendships. Be more than just a parent.

It will still be difficult when our babies leave. But we will be able to go on.

Congratulations, graduates! Your parents support you, love you. And will cry a little!