Can a relationship recover from an affair? The short answer is yes. However, both partners need to want to recover and repair, or there is no chance of creating a healthy relationship post-affair. There are several actions that can be helpful.

The first thing that I will suggest is do not have the affair in the first place. If your relationship is in trouble, put the work in, get therapy, make your partner a priority and spend time with each other. If you find yourself attracted to someone, do not put yourself in a tempting situation.

If you are currently having an affair, your marriage cannot improve while the affair is ongoing. Your partner needs to be the first person that you go to for emotional and physical intimacy, for support, for love. If you go to another person to fulfill those needs, the marriage will not heal.

If the affair is over, both partners need to commit to honestly trying to make the marriage work. This does not mean, by making this commitment, that the work is done. There is much that you will need to truly heal.  Not all relationships can come back from an affair. It takes tremendous energy and patience. This is why you have to make the commitment to try first.

Create some ground rules. There can be no contact with the person that the partner had the affair with. This can be difficult if it is a co-corker or close person to the couple. The rule may be no time alone together. If there is any contact, you must tell your partner, even if it is just a simple text. Trust needs to be re-built. No more lies. No more cover-ups.

The person who cheated must be transparent. This means that their partner gets to look at their phone or email or anything else whenever they want to. This is uncomfortable. But again, you need to build trust.

The person who cheated needs to disclose who the person was and where they met so that it can be obvious if the affair is starting again. However, it is not necessary or even helpful to tell all of the details of the relationship. Discussing what you did sexually during the affair will only increase the hurt.

You need to spend time together with your spouse. You need to remember why you fell in love in the first place. You need to forgive and move forward. You do not get to use the affair as a weapon for years to come. You need to fully re-commit to making each other a priority.

Can a relationship heal from an affair? Yes, but it takes a great of work, time, energy and love. Be gentle with each other.