March 2008

How do you mend a broken heart? These are not just song lyrics, but also a serious and painful question for many, many people. All of us, at one point or another over our lifetimes, will have our hearts broken. Even though we may not believe it at the time, we will survive. The question, is how do we do that in a healthy manner?

The first thing we need to do is mourn the relationship that has ended. Some people do not tolerate that pain and will immediately bury themselves in another relationship, alcohol or another drug, eating, shopping, or a myriad of unhealthy behaviors. It never fails to amaze when I start asking a client about their relationship history, and I realize that they have never been single. Give yourself some time to be sad over the ending. Give yourself an opportunity to say good-bye. Give yourself an opportunity to learn some lessons from the old relationship so that you can make the next relationship healthier.

Be sure to have support as you go through this process. Surround yourself with friends, go to a support group, get involved in religion, go to therapy. Do something that allows you to feel love, support and connection to others. Ask your friends how they got through their broken hearts. Pick the healthy activities and try them.

Become physical. Go to the gym or take a walk. The endorphins will help you to feel better. Get out in nature. Nature can make you feel connected to something greater and bring you peace. Volunteer some place that can help you to have some perspective about what is going on in your life.

Write about your feelings. Get out a journal and write what is going on for you. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar. No one is going to see this but you. Write a good-bye letter to your former partner and then burn it.

If you do these things then before you know it, you will no longer be consumed with your relationship. You will be consumed with living your life.

Enjoy the journey.