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Michelle Gottlieb Psy.D., MFT, LPCC
Individual, Couple and Family Therapy
Resolving issues from your past that block your future

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We All Got Parts

Have you ever noticed that sometimes you say something that you believe is totally innocuous to someone and the response back to you appears to be way out of proportion? You wonder what just happened. Some people are very reactive. Often for very different reasons. Here is one reason that you may not have thought of before.

Inside all of us we have different parts, different ages. Sometimes when we are very playful, that may be our young child coming out. Sometimes when we are just annoying for no good reason, that may be our teenage part. We all have these parts. There is nothing wrong with that. It is, in fact, normal.

The problem is when the wrong part comes out at the wrong time. Imagine that your boss is upset with you for a mistake which you made. Rather than your adult part participating in the conversation, acknowledging that you made a mistake and working towards fixing it, instead your teenage part takes over the conversation. You find yourself ranting at your boss! Accusing him of doing something. You refuse to take on any responsibility. Instead you just become overly emotional. This happens to all of us more than we like to admit.

How do fix it, you wonder? Easy. Well, sort of. First tune in and ask yourself how old you feel at that moment. If a child is out when the adult should be, don’t be angry, just gently say to yourself that the adult needs to be in charge now. Let the adult take care of business. But always be sure to nurture all parts of yourself. As you recognize the different parts, this does not make you crazy, but rather very, very normal. The more that you can hear and take care of the different parts, the smoother that life is!

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