Reactive versus responsive. These are two very different ways to be in relation to other people, with two very different consequences and reactions. Most of the time, one is healthier than the other.

Reactive means that I am not thinking. I am making a knee-jerk reaction, usually a very emotional one. Emotional reactions can often be based on factors that may or may not have anything to do with the person in front of you. If your boss has similar mannerisms as your abusive father, for example, you may have a very strong visceral reaction. You may get very angry, snap at him or be scared of him, which can be very confusing for both of you. Take the time to stop and ask yourself why you are reacting the way you are. Does it even make sense? Try to get yourself to slow down and think about what is actually happening and what is a healthy reaction, which is often the more responsive reaction.

People who are being responsive are much more thoughtful in their replies. They are not lashing out. They take their time to tune into their own reactions and see what they need. They also take the time to ponder why the person that they are talking with may be having such a strong reaction, especially if it does not make sense in the context of the discussion. By giving yourself the time and space to be responsive, rather than reactive, you will cause less damage to yourself and others. In fact, you may find that you are able to forge healthier relationships with closer connections.

The one time that it may be healthier to be reactive rather than responsive is in case of emergency. If you are able to react very quickly, because you have the training and experience, may be life-saving.

Give yourself the time and space to be responsive. You will be happy with the results.