Are you scared of being vulnerable? It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is also not necessarily something to be proud of. Many people do not show their vulnerable sides for many reasons. For many, the rules in their family or culture do not allow for that. We have all heard things like “boys don’t cry” or “man up”. There are cultures that frown on emotional expressions, especially showing any sign of “weakness”.

None of this is good or bad, unless it is causing you pain. If you are not allowing people close to you, if you are not allowing people to support you when you are going through a hard time, this is where hiding your vulnerability becomes an issue. You may have learned that it is not safe to show emotion or those areas that you struggle in because people have used it against you or have not been there when they said they would be or made fun of you because of it. It makes sense that you would not then allow others to see that part of you. You are protecting yourself.

Now this is what I want to challenge you on. Not everyone is like those people who hurt you. There are good, loving people out there. It can be difficult to recognize them. It can be very difficult to trust them. I suggest that you try with small pieces at a time. Observe someone who may be someone that you can trust. Watch how they interact with others. What do they say and do.  If they seem safe after your observation, then show them one not very meaningful vulnerability. How do they handle that? Are they respectful? Loving? If they pass this test, try bigger and more meaningful pieces. Notice how it feels (besides scary) to share these pars of you and then to be treated in a loving manner back.

Then, when you really need them, they are there for you and you can feel safe while being vulnerable. It is a difficult path. But a very necessary one. Allow yourself to lean on others. Allow yourself to feel the love. Allow yourself to heal.