In my last column, I encouraged you to accept your loved ones for who they are, and the path that they have chosen. This column, I want to turn to you. What makes you happy? This question if often trickier than one would think.

If your happiness is dependent on others’ happiness, you may never get there. If you are waiting for your partner to do what is necessary to create their happiness, for your children to be happy, for your neighbors, cat, community at large to achieve happiness, you will be waiting a long time! So, the first step is to give yourself permission to be happy, even if those around you are not.

Once you have given yourself permission, the next question is to discover what brings you joy. Notice that I did not write JOY, rather joy. If you only say that you are happy when big things are happening, you are also limiting yourself. What small things bring small joys to you? Is it a sunset? A hug? Reading a good book? Seeing a flower? Hearing a lovely piece of music? Allow yourself to stop and notice what brings you that small joy.

Notice that as you allow yourself to feel those small joys, that they begin to bring you a smile, peace, contentment, perhaps even JOY! They can have a cumulative effect. They can also have a protective effect. It is like making a deposit in the bank. Something will come along that is sad or difficult. Having a large pile of joyful memories, helps you to cope better when the bad comes.

Go find your joy. And, as always, enjoy the journey as well!